…and Being One Yourself

Life is hard. Shocking, I know. But in our well-intentioned efforts to shield ourselves (and our kids) from every bump, bruise, and slightly uncomfortable situation, we might actually be making things worse.

Enter anti-fragility, a concept from Nassim Taleb’s book Antifragile that basically says: some things don’t just survive stress—they actually get stronger because of it. Unlike resilience (which is just about hanging in there), anti-fragility thrives on challenges. Think of your immune system—expose it to germs, and it toughens up. Avoid all germs forever, and one day a peanut might take you out.

What the Bible Says (Spoiler: Hard Things Are Good for Us)

Turns out, God has been talking about anti-fragility long before fancy authors gave it a name.

James 1:2-4 tells us to “consider it pure joy” when we face trials. Pure joy, huh? That’s a tall order when your toddler is screaming because their banana broke in half. But the idea is solid—trials produce perseverance, and perseverance makes us mature. No pain, no gain, right?

Romans 5:3-5 doubles down: suffering → perseverance → character → hope. So, yes, life is hard, but it’s making us stronger. And if you’re praying for patience, well, expect to get stuck behind the slowest driver in existence.

Nature Gets It

Nature is a masterclass in anti-fragility:

• Trees in Biosphere 2: Scientists tried to grow trees in a perfect, stress-free dome. No wind, no struggle. The result? The trees got big and then… toppled over. Because without wind to challenge them, their roots stayed weak. Sound familiar?

• Buffalo vs. Storms: While cows run away from storms (thus staying in bad weather longer), buffalo charge straight into them. It’s rough for a bit, but they get through it faster. Moral of the story? Sometimes you’ve just gotta grit your teeth and run into the mess.

• Muscle Growth: Want to get stronger? You literally have to tear your muscles so they grow back tougher. No shortcuts, no magic pill. Just controlled damage followed by healing.

How to Actually Apply This

1. Let Kids Struggle (A Little)

I get it, watching them suffer is painful. But always stepping in robs them of valuable growth. So:

• Let them climb trees (yes, they might fall).

• Let them play rough (within reason).

• Don’t swoop in for every minor injury (boo-boos build character).

• Invite them into your own struggles/failures (age appropriate of course).

Jonathan Haidt’s The Coddling of the American Mind argues that by bubble-wrapping kids, we’re setting them up for disaster. A scraped knee today is better than full-blown adult meltdown later.

2. Emotional Toughness = Fewer Therapy Bills

Disappointment is part of life. Instead of fixing every problem, try:

• Not rescuing them from social conflicts. Let them figure it out.

• Teaching them to handle big emotions instead of stuffing them down (or exploding).

• Showing them that failure isn’t fatal—just a really good lesson in disguise.

• Setbacks aren’t the end but simply a delay, making success feel even sweeter.

Angela Duckworth’s Grit says perseverance is a better predictor of success than talent. So, letting kids work through struggles? Pretty essential.

3. Spiritual Growth Takes Wrestling

Faith isn’t just about easy answers—it grows through hard questions. Encourage:

• Honest doubts and deep conversations.

• Personal ownership of faith (not just hand-me-down beliefs).

• Seeing trials as spiritual training, not punishment.

Phil and Diane Comer’s Raising Passionate Jesus Followers reminds us that kids need space to wrestle with faith. The goal isn’t blind obedience—it’s real, deep-rooted trust.

Final Thought: Don’t Be a Fair-Weather Christian

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” In other words, we weren’t made to be fragile. Life will hit hard. But instead of breaking, let’s be like buffalo—run into the storm, grow through it, and come out stronger on the other side.

And if all else fails? At least let your kids climb trees. Just have Band-Aids ready.

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